to love it all...

One year, three weeks and four days of being a Mama.  The monthly letters I write are not just for George, not simply for a scrapbook but, a celebration of the little moments, milestones and obstacles of that fleeting four week period of time. Being a mother is so much more than I ever imagined.  It fills my heart with more love, more laughter, more patience and my life with a lot less sleep. 

My sweet, funny, smart as a whip toddler is not sleeping though the night.  Okay, I have to give him a little credit.  Last week he slept through twice. But, now back to not and worse then that, waking for the day before 4:00 am.  I am a firm believer that certain hours are only meant to be seen by people catching an early flight for a blissful vacation or parents of wee newborns.  I fit neither category at this time so, 4:00 am? Not.loving.it.

There are times when I wake to rock him back to sleep and after several failed attempts at placing him back in his crib I think that I simply can't do it another minute.  I can't continue not to see straight.  I can't continue with the exhaustion.  I can't wake my husband yet again for relief.  Our child is so, so, so good during the day that the bad nights sometimes feel like punishment for the bliss of our days.  It would be easy to wish that time away, to hope for him to be old enough to figure it out and sleep through on his own. 

And then I look down at the gentle curl of those long eyelashes against his flushed cheek.  The soft rise and fall of his tiny chest as he dozes.  The weight of his sweet body in my arms. With certainty, I know that moment will never be mine again.  That he is little for such a short time.  That far too soon, I won't be able to hold his weight and rock him to sleep.  And, I thank God and everything good I must have done in my life that gave me the privilege of calling this child mine. 

I came across a beautiful mantra today that I am adopting:

“be still, do not wish away, love it all, even those challenging moments you think you can not conquer.”

The sleepless nights will not last forever and he is this little for just a moment in time.