job description...

My mom sent this to me in an e-mail last week and I couldn't resist both laughing out loud and posting here.

PARENT - Job Description
POSITION: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, BaBa, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

mama initiation, by fire...

Three firsts happened for G yesterday, none of which were welcomed or amusing in the least:

• ear infection
• high fever
• projectile vomiting...times two

Wednesday night, G felt very hot all over and when the thermometer reading went over 101, I knew I'd be making two calls in the morning: a sick day for work (my 2nd week back) and the pediatrician. He hadn't been himself all day and had been tugging at his ear. So, Thursday morning we got a sick visit appointment. As soon as the doctor looked in his left ear it was obvious. Ear infection. By mid-afternoon, G had his first dose of antibiotics.

I figured on a rough night ahead based on his fever and the ear pain. I did not expect what happened after his dinner. He had eaten well, as usual - chicken, sweet potatoes and oatmeal with some pears to top it all off. Within ten minutes, G, the kitchen floor, counter, cabinets and I were all wearing every last bite of that meal. Projectile. Followed by scared, very unhappy screams from the boy and immediate mopping up and clothes changing action by Mama.

Fabulous.

And in the end, I'm left wondering how I could have overlooked the memo about this fabulous initiation.

adventures in baby food purees...

I knew this appliance purchase would come in handy one day. I was just picturing poolside frozen margaritas, rather than food purees. Oh, how life changes ;-) While I was still pregnant with G, I told Mr. Boom that I wanted to try to make his baby food. He went along with it (likely as another of my fleeting preg-brain whims). When it was nearing time for G to actually try solids, though, I got more serious about it, especially for veggies and meats. Fruits, well, the jarred are just plain easier than the peeling, cutting up and cooking down but, feel free to refute my opinion on this. Forget the marketing gimmick of the $150 baby food processor. The Magic Bullet does the trick at a third of the cost and, according to Mr. Boom, makes a pretty darn good smoothie too!

Veggies were a no brainer - pick up bags of organic vegetables, microwave, puree with a little added water and portion out in freezer trays. Perfect and far less than HALF the cost of the jarred variety! Here's a cost comparison from our (ridiculously expensive) area:

• Gerber 2-pack of organic Green Beans = (2) 2.5 oz servings for $1.29 = $0.65 per 2.5 oz serving
• Trader Joe's frozen organic Green Beans = (18) 1 oz servings for $1.79 = $0.25 per 2.5 oz serving

So far I've made peas and green beans and he loves them both. Though I kept them simple and stuck to just the veggies for the first tries, I'm planning to add in some light spice for the next round.

Next, it was time to introduce meat. The idea of feeding my baby meat of unknown sources from a jar? Well...blech! I just couldn't stomach the thought when I knew I could make them simply, easily and would know exactly what I'd be feeding him. For his first try, Mr. Boom and I picked up a large, organic chicken breast from the supermarket. I brought it home, cut it in half and diced it up into about 1" pieces. I vacuum sealed half and threw them in the freezer for later. The other half went into a pot of boiling water with some garlic for about 10 minutes, until they were cooked through. Following a suggestion from Wholesome Baby Food, I added sweet potato to the chicken for the pureeing process, as chicken alone will end up crumbly and dry. It worked out perfectly and G absolutely loved it!

you know your baby is a boy when...

Both my reading of parenting books and talks with other moms indicated that around the six month mark, I should expect that G would be “learning something new every day.” Sure, he’s a little sponge and it made sense that he’d pick things up at a rapid pace but figured the every day part would be an exaggeration. Wrong!

Sunday, he played a game with his Daddy. When Mr. Boom smiled, so did G. When Mr. Boom was straight-faced, so was G. Mirroring expressions, all of a sudden.

Yesterday, he got the hang of grasping and eating a vegetable rice rusk biscuit.

Then, there were the wee hours of this morning. G woke at about 3:30 wanting to nurse. I went in, changed his diaper and we sat down in the glider. As I was getting both of us adjusted, he passed gas. A millisecond later, he mimicked the sound and blew raspberries, “Plbttttt”.

Must have been a fluke, right?

A few seconds later, another round of gas followed by another, “Plbttttt”. By the third time, it was all I could do not to burst into a fit of laughter (he was till semi-drowsy and I didn’t want to risk waking him fully).

Yes, he is learning something new every. single. day. And, he is such a boy!


-- posted from my iPhone

goodbye my sweet, furry friend...

This morning, with very heavy hearts, Mr. Boom and I made the very difficult decision to say goodbye to our beloved cat, Hemingway. He's been on a slow decline for the past year or so but, still had good quality of life until this past week. By last night, it was obvious that he was in pain and that we would have to help him along. Our sweet boy was far too good to us for too long to allow him to suffer. We are so grateful to the compassionate vet, Dr. Chen who was there to help us today.

I rescued Hemingway from a shelter Easter weekend of 1997. He was the craziest, liveliest cat I'd ever met. Running through my apartment sliding on the wood floors and bouncing off walls and jumping on everything (refrigerator, counters, tops of doors, top of the shower, range hood, everywhere). He was absolutely a people cat. He followed me wherever I went and loved to be on my lap.

Hemingway was smart. Too smart. He knew to knock things off surfaces in the middle of the night to wake me up for playtime or fresh water (fresh cat!). And, I easily taught him to play fetch and to roll over on command by saying "Roll over, Kitty!"

People food was his weakness. He particularly loved lunch meat and canned corn. Weird but true! Every time I opened a can of corn, he would make a bee line for the kitchen and beg for the water and a few kernels. In contrast, he hated every brand of cat treat I bought for him until just a couple of years ago when we discovered Greenies. Then, that was Mr. Boom's trick for cat bonding - a few Greenies each day.

Since we brought G home, it seemed to be Hemingway's mission to either ignore or turn his nose up at the baby. Another male invader of his domain. Funny enough, in the past two weeks, he seemed to make peace with his "little brother." In his last days, he would stand in front of G and allow himself to be pet and have handfuls of hair or an ear tugged without so much as a sound. It was as if he was asserting his role as G's first pet. Saying hello, saying goodbye.

We had a good, full 13+ years together and he will be missed terribly.

Good night, my sweet friend.

wordless wednesday: a borowed office, work day #2

-- posted from my iPhone

working mama...

I am officially a working (out of the home) mom.

21 hours of each week, plus commuting hours, will be dedicated to something other than taking care of my baby. Attending to the needs of a program, at an agency, far from my home. Making sure requirements are fulfilled, teaching adults new skills to better their service delivery, e-mailing, speaking on the phone…and being away from where I really want to be.

My maternity leave was an almost always wonderful and far too short 6 months and 10 days. I know that extended time was a blessing and I am further blessed by being able to work an abbreviated week. I get it. But, today, I’m allowing myself a bit of a pity party as I sit at a borrowed desk, at a borrowed computer until I’m assigned my own desk at my new office. Pumping every few hours and trying not to think of the obvious Bessie comparisons. Still, yesterday was quick. A training day that kept me busy and distracted.

Today, is a different story.

On day one in the office, I was able to cross off every item on my to do list in about a nano-second, leaving the rest of the day to sit and think about what I could be doing at home with G. Crud. Keeping busy is clearly essential to my survival right about now. I know it should get a bit easier day by day and that once a routine is established it will be okay.

The relality is this: the very best part of my first day back at work was the homecoming. I walked into my in-law's house and heard G giggling in the next room. I put down my bags, quickly slipped off my shoes and made a beeline for him. The moment he saw me, I was rewarded with a big, gummy grin and his little chubby arms stretched out to me as if to say, "Oh there you are Mama, welcome home."